Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
