I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
