so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
