The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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