i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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