Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
