I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
