I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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