Ambien. No doubt about it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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