You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
