Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
