sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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