Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
