OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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