Small penises have feelings too.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
