you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
