Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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