For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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