SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
