He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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