I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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