There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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