Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
