Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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