I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
