hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
