you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
