I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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