I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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