Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
