Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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