i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
