Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
