Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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