At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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