He kissed a someone with a penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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