Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
