Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
