This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
