I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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