508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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