Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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