went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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