just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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