On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
