Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my liver is dry heaving
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
