capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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