Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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