if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
