At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
they need to just BURY HIM!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
