I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
