I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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