I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
