Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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