Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
