No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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