the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
