I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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