Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
worst night to have a conscience
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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