What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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