I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
