The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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