Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
