Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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