Quick, to the slutcave!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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