he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
