I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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