Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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