Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
