people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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